{"id":1926,"date":"2012-01-31T06:07:29","date_gmt":"2012-01-31T12:07:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/?p=1926"},"modified":"2012-01-31T06:07:29","modified_gmt":"2012-01-31T12:07:29","slug":"needing-help-part-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/?p=1926","title":{"rendered":"Needing Help, Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"

*For the sake of keeping this post at a reasonable length, I have split it into two parts. I will post part II on Thursday, which is about our lovely nanny and everything she is to us! Please check back for the full story!*<\/em><\/p>\n

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I have been wanting to do this post for a few months now and never really knew how to approach it. It is a sensitive subject for me, even though I know it shouldn’t be, and I need more than anything to give credit where credit is due.<\/p>\n

A year ago, when Emil was still the size of a lima bean growing within me, I prided myself on not asking for help. Not needing <\/em>help. I mean, outside of Andrew. (He is without a doubt, the most hands-on dad I have ever known, fueled by an energy only children seem to match. And since he has taken this job as a professor, it has only gotten better. He has to teach and work on his research, but his hours are flexible and the expectations of this job are different from many others.)<\/em><\/p>\n

I cooked. I cleaned. I did all the laundry and took care of my boys all day every day, aside for the mornings Milo went to preschool. I did all the shopping, grocery or other. I did most of the outdoor work, all the gardening and mulching and weeding and composting and planting (Andrew always mowed the lawn and raked or blew the leaves). I took care of doctor’s appointments and dry-cleaning and painted the entire interior of our house. I did a lot. And I loved it.<\/p>\n

Then, March. Then, I got sick. Really, really sick. I couldn’t get out of bed or eat anything for weeks. I ended up hospitalized twice, and everything started to unravel. My weight plummeted to 107 lbs. I was 20 weeks pregnant. We needed help.<\/p>\n

Andrew had to drop everything to cover childcare. He hired a nanny for the times he had to be at the university teaching, then he rushed home to do everything else so our lives would not come to a standstill while I was hospitalized. The stress and worry he must have felt overwhelms me now, just thinking about it.<\/p>\n

When I returned home, I was weak and throwing up a lot. I had tremendous guilt about not being there for my husband and boys, but I just couldn’t. And finally, finally, I changed my mindset.<\/p>\n

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Why is it that so many of us moms feel like we have to do everything ourselves, or we are failing? Or weak? I know some mommies who are ashamed of the fact that they have help cleaning their houses, or someone to come take care of their landscaping or mowing. I spoke to one who is apologetic that she doesn’t cook dinners for her family as often as she would like. Oh, and she is a full-time lawyer, by the way. But even for those of us who are staying home with our kids, we are people<\/em>. We are human<\/em>. We simply cannot do it all.<\/p>\n

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Is your<\/strong> bathroom floor clean enough to eat off of? Mine is… \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 For the next five minutes, anyway.<\/em><\/p>\n

I guess making peace with needing help has been a process for me. At the beginning, I was only able to accept help when I was literally physically unable to do the things my family needed me to do. As I gained my strength and health and weight back, I talked to Andrew about not needing a nanny anymore. I thought things should go back to the way they were before I had fallen ill. I actually thought people would judge me for needing help. But maybe I was just judging myself.<\/p>\n

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But when it all came down to it, I did need help. I needed help so that I could be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend. To be happier and healthier for myself. I still struggle with feeling guilty for leaving Milo and Oliver with our nanny for 3 afternoons a week, sometimes just to take a nap with Emil or clean a bathroom or two without company…<\/p>\n

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Or go grocery shopping at a leisurely pace. Or just go get a cup of coffee with Emil asleep in the carseat. But I come back refreshed and positive. I feel on top of things. I genuinely miss my boys when I am not with them. And that is how I know it is the right thing for our family.<\/p>\n

So, whew. Now the cat’s out of the bag.<\/p>\n

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So tell me, moms – working or staying at home – how do you make it work? Do you feel guilty about asking for help? What is the most difficult area of your life to ask for help? (For me it is a tie between asking someone else to watch my kids and having someone help tidy my house- we have only had help on that one time and I found it an amazing gift from our good friends) Working moms- how do you divide up housework and cooking in your home? I honestly don’t know how you do it! So, let’s hear it!<\/p>\n

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Do not try this at home…<\/em><\/p>\n

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*For the sake of keeping this post at a reasonable length, I have split it into two parts. I will post part II on Thursday, which is about our lovely nanny and everything she is to us! Please check back for the full story!* I have been wanting to do this post for a few … Continue reading “Needing Help, Part I”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1969,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[105],"tags":[48],"class_list":["post-1926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","tag-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1926"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1926\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1968,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1926\/revisions\/1968"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crumbbums.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}