I’m sure you are sick of hearing about off-grid living (or sick of not hearing about it, ha!), but there is something that has awakened in me over the past few months that I just can’t seem to shake. The discomfort and restlessness that seems to swirl within my gut when I am moved by something and all at once challenged by it, the epitome of growth has begun. I don’t know where this will take us. Maybe nowhere. And that’s okay too, but I have to explore and examine and maybe exhaust the idea to death in order to move forward, to dive deeper or swim in a totally different direction…
I don’t mean for this post to be controversial or guilt-laden, but these are my thoughts and my deepest reactions lately. I am in no way anti-technology or anti-smartphone; I am constantly amazed by and appreciate how far we have come and the convenience of it all. But moderation seems to be hard to come by. Lately everywhere I look I see faces 8 inches away from screens, not talking to each other or interacting with each other on a basic human level, face to face. Driving is scary — I glance over to see the driver of the car next to us texting away. I’m not exaggerating when I say that we have almost been hit by cars several times while crossing the busy street a few blocks from our house because those drivers are clearly texting or looking at their smartphones.
I see ultra-competitive and judgmental parenting and want to barf or scream and run the other way. I experience a loneliness on the playground in a neighborhood jam-packed with children on a beautiful summer day… where are they all hiding? Of course I experience all the opposite as well — some great connections with people, some connected and grounded parents, some kids who run just a little amok (thank goodness!), but maybe I expect more? I feel really sad about it right now.
And all of it makes me want to push against it. I think I’m in a fragile place right now. I long for open spaces and nature and the freedom to raise whatever kinds of animals or food we want on our property without permits and fees and inspections (they make it really hard to keep chickens in our neighborhood!). I want to see for miles from the top of a mountain overlooking trees and meadows and rolling hills. I want to watch our boys experiencing the world and wildness in all its beauty and intensity and harshness and wonder without feeling pulled to screens and busy schedules and a barrage of consumerism.
I want this, and I don’t. I know how hard it would be, how lonely it could be, how impractical at times it would be. I know I am an extrovert. That people, the right people, make me feel a joy and connectedness that is incomparable. That there is sometimes nothing better than laughing with a girlfriend over a cup of coffee, that running into interesting new people can make my day full of color and life and surprises.
All of these thoughts bounce around in my head all day long. It has dominated my thoughts since early June and I think the only to work through them is to read. I am devouring off-grid literature and ideas lately. This book I am enjoying immensely and thought I would share. Even if you’re not at all considering this lifestyle, the book is spiritual and thought-provoking and inspiring.
And because I am only just beginning the book (and could never write quite as succinctly), here is praise for the book by Mira Kamdar, author of Planet India:
A compassionate yet powerful personal odyssey into the heart of what it means to choose to live with less in a world gone mad for more. William Powers’s Twelve by Twelve is not only a retreat of mind from which we all can draw sustenance as we gird ourselves to confront a world heading for catastrophe, it is also a template we can use to ask ourselves what, really, is important in our lives.
I can only say that upon returning home from a week-long break from my computer and cell phone, getting back on the computer was a deeply depressing let-down for me. I think I expected something more, that I had missed out on something, but I found quite the opposite. The habit I had gotten into of constantly “checking in” during the day– checking my email, going on Pinterest, flitting about on the internet, left me feeling completely hollow and disappointed. I think the only thing I am finding worthwhile is reading the blogs of people I truly admire and have somehow steered clear of the consumerism and emptiness that sometimes accompanies blogging lately– people like Milla and Lilly, Anne and Jessica, Erin and Heather to name a few, and there are so many more! The genuineness of these women gets to me in such a good way, and I appreciate it always. But there is so much more I can do without, and will. So in the attempt to get to the bottom of it all, I will close the computer during the day and write posts at night, and in-between I will figure it all out, and I will read.
Sweets! I’m so in that same place with you! I read Powers’ book a few years ago and was taken aback by how much there is in my life that I could, would love to, shed in exchange for time and expansiveness. Lately, all my conversations circle like vultures around this one: the how’s and why’s and how muches of modern life. Time exchanged for money, connection exchanged for solipsism, the price of land, the price of us on the land, the price of water and farming and gentrification and soil… it’s endless.
The internet is a big one. I can’t even begin to put into words what about it is addictive and yet so unsatisfying, like eating a huge bag of candy and feeling only slightly nauseated and dissatisfied, and still, there is genuine connection here too. Add yourself to the list of those women, steering clear of the empty and golden on the outside, into the territory of the genuine. I’m happy to see your posts pop up on my reader in the my brief morning and night visits.
I love this post, and though I have to rush off to my dollars job, I’m sure I will return to it again tonight. Have a lovely day, my friend <3
I feel similarly and have gravitated away from blogs and other media that are so focused on consumerism – they are a waste of my time. Now, only if I could cut down on the checking-in; I am not terrible and do go entire days and weekends without being on the internet and don’t use a smartphone, so I should be able to take it a step further.
Just a note about chickens in a neighborhood such as yours (which is similar to mine). Someone in our neighborhood built a chicken coop without any regard to regulations and it wasn’t far from another neighbors’ house in which a daughter has asthma – and between the hay, feathers, etc., this was not a good combination. I think chickens are more appropriate in wide-open spaces.
Oh wow. I love this post. I know that I’ve been guilty of “checking out” by checking in on my phone, and now I have been leaving it in the car when we go places just to resist. I just took a big break from the internets recently, but I too, missed the blogs of “friends” with real life voices, not trying to make their life seem perfect, but perfectly messy and beautiful. It’s a hard balance, for certain. Keep up all these thought-provoking posts! I don’t find them controversial, but then I love a new perspective to think about once in a while. Catching up on the rest of your posts now!
Yes and yes. I don’t yearn so much for the country or for the wilds. But I do yearn for a simpler life. I’ve often thought that a commune type living style would be ideal. Not all in one house, but a cluster of houses or apartments with a community garden and kitchen and child care. And I took a couple months off the internet and found it easy. But yet I’m back and just as compulsive as ever. I love my blogs and will always read them as they are a true connection to other women like myself. But some of the other stuff needs to be put away- if not forever, than at least for most of the day!
i love this post and your point about empty playgrounds and feeling lonely in a community filled with children. i’ve felt that way for sure—that it’s hard to establish a neighborhood community feel and sometimes i feel like it’s my children and me walking around in a busy city without knowing anyone….sometimes i google “american small towns” because i’d love to know the butcher, the baker, our neighbors, everyone around! joannaxo
My life is by no means as simplified as I would like it to be. Material possessions, technology, commitments: they all pile up and make my life feel cluttered. As home-schoolers, the question I wrestle with the most is how much technology is actually necessary for education. It’s hard, sometimes, to find the right balance.
I think a lot about these questions (which probably comes as no surprise). Putting that book on my list! I look forward to seeing where all this leads you.
If y’all decide to go start a new little off-grid community somewhere, Jonathan and I are in.
This post definitely hits home. 95% of my non-dog-related conversations with J are about where or how we want to live, specifically: self-sufficiency, off-grid living, co-housing, creating community, the loneliness and emptiness of the modern consumerist lifestyle, environmentalism, freedom of kiddos to play and explore, etc. He’s always talked about living off-grid a lot, but I didn’t think it was doable until we stayed in cabin in the Ardennes earlier this month. There was well water (cold), a tiny gas fridge, a fireplace, a sparely-used generator, and a radio that played French-language oldies. It was perfect, and just what I needed to start feeling human again and not like a drone. But I would want other people nearby… this was one smack dab in the middle of the forest.
I LOVE this post! Thank you for it. I feel many of the same strong sentiments as you! I do believe in everything in moderation, (yes, even screen time), but very sadly much of our society doesn’t “get” moderation anymore. How did things get so material, and so complicated?!! I can barely work my printer, or find and do things on my computers, and which of the three remotes near the tv actually turns on the tv, again? For crying out loud! But it’s not just technology, it’s consumerism, as you said. When I am inside the house I am constantly tripping over toys and cleaning things. We have an oversized garage but we can’t park both cars b/c at least half of the garage is taken up with STUFF. Wait, I never wanted all this stuff! It bothers me, and it is taking up too much of my energy and time. Like you, I am a minimalist, always trying to pare down. So, my kids and I are outside nearly every chance we get; it makes us happy. I never regret quality time spent outdoors!!!
This is perfect Lauren, and certainly echoes so much of what I’ve been thinking about too for a while. I do so value the community and connections that I have made on line. I love that I get to see what you are up to and partake in some of your thoughts almost daily, it’s an amazing gift of technology that we can now crack open the limits of what defines community and find like minded people all over the world to learn from and share with. But ‘things’ do feel out of balance, in general. I imagine what the world will be like when our children are grown, and I have to believe that there will be a breaking point.
So curious to see how your thoughts on this evolve, hope you will continue to share some of them!
Thank you for all of your thoughtful comments. It really means the world that you all take the time to discuss this stuff and share your thoughts! It is a bit of a relief to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way — sometimes I honestly think I’m on an island with my discomfort in the tech-craziness of society today!
It is true, too, Shairstin, that I also need my community. I need my privacy, but I need my community. I think the idea of communal-type living really appeals to me. Food for thought!
Erika, thanks for sharing, I’m always grinning from ear to ear when you comment! Wish we had the chance to chat over coffee and meet each other’s (additional) kids!
And Elisa, man, that cabin sounds like a dream! I wish we had figured this all out before having kids. I think you and Jonathan are so smart for talking about how you want to raise your kids and what is important to you before starting a family. You guys could totally rock the off-grid lifestyle, I have no doubt!
Just catching up on your posts Lauren, and loved this one. I’ve always loved the idea of living on the same block with other like-minded families, sharing in food-growing, chicken and children raising…I do what I can in my own small space and try to share with those around me. The good thing is, I’ve seen some lovely things come of it: parents kicking their kiddos outdoors and giving them a little more freedom to run and roam with my own, or the neighbor kids asking for dragon carrots and kale chips for snacks and looking with curiosity at the garden. I’ve had to explain to kids why we only have a very small TV and no cable (No, it’s not because we can’t afford it…) or why we don’t purchase all the latest techno gadgets and own no smartphone…The kids start thinking, and nothing compares to witnessing the joy of kiddos when they are out in the sunshine running freely with eachother, totally immersed in creative, healthy play. But I have to admit it is a struggle, especially as children age and enter school and are bombarded with the culture of stuff. So when a house goes up for sale near you, let us know 🙂
How I breathe a breath of fresh air every time I come here and read your posts! Wonderful food for thought, loads of fun and creativity, beauty and bounty. I agree, it would be hard to part with some internet time because of the connections I have here in blogland, simple and few, but true indeed. Some wonderful real life friendships have blossomed from my time spent here. And I love my own blog as a document of many of our family’s important times; it happens fairly frequently that I say “I’ll check my blog” when someone asks me where we camped in Yellowstone, or some other such random question. But as for the overwhelming effects of technology in our lives and our children’s lives…yes it makes me uneasy indeed. I am lucky to have an amazing community of many friends who don’t have smartphones or use them extremely sparingly, many who aren’t on and have never been on facebook, etc. This type of influence is good for me, a good reminder that these things aren’t really life. And having two little babes has also had a good impact on my time spent online. It is rare to sit down at my actual computer (like now – both girls asleep and the kitchen clean) but I do have an ipod with wifi which is almost unfortunate because it’s less of a project to sit down and look at it. I very much look forward to our upcoming Beatty family camping trip along the Big Sur coast – a week with no internet. I never ever miss it, not for a second, and I have absolutely experienced that thing where you get home kind of eager to get on and check in and everything is just a weird desultory let-down. I hope to get more glimpses into your heart on this subject. It is an urgent and compelling one indeed.
Sometimes I wish I had a job that allowed me to unplug more often. I usually try and keep my computer time to a minimum and have made a specific effort to use my phone less and never bring it out at the dinner table. Those decision have made it possible for me to reconnect with my family on a deeper level.