***Thank you for all of your kind emails, comments, phone calls, etc. about Friday’s post. I was so back-and-forth about posting the story, but I’m glad I did. Sure, many people probably judged me, but I think sometimes the most interesting conversations and debates can come from putting your story out there, even when it is not a flattering one. All of your comments made me think, but more than anything, they made me feel supported as a parent. Thank you.***
After the drama of last week, Andrew and I indulged the fleeting feeling of wanting to pack up our kids and head out of town, away from crowds of people and into the peacefulness of the woods. On Saturday morning, we pretty much just picked up and left. We didn’t know exactly where we were going, but drove and drove southwest, knowing there were several state parks in that direction. We ended up about 30 miles away, and though I can’t remember the name of the park, as soon as we stepped outside and took a deep breath, we were better inside.
It has been really cold here. You know, winter-cold. But Saturday turned out to be a pleasant 60 degrees- a welcome respite amidst more seasonal temperatures. One day. One day to get out and soak up sunshine through leafless branches. The ice from the ground had enough time to thaw before we got there to create some slippery, muddy paths, but no one cared. We took our time as the boys threw rocks, touched icicles, peeked down into cracks and under mossy boulders.
Andrew and I noted how all of us were happier, but Milo came alive as soon as he was released into the wild! It was as if he blossomed before our very eyes, and he was joyous and moving and just… on fire. He was in his element. After 5 minutes of being out of the car, Oliver, who had been crying and whining just about the whole trip there, exclaimed, “I LOVE this place! This is just where I wanted to come!”
When we sat down for a picnic lunch, it was so quiet that I almost cried. I had forgotten what it felt like to sit in silence, outside, with the people I love. I realized that I had been buzzing with emotions and anxiety all week, about the incident with CPS, about recovering from surgery and getting back into a normal routine, about weaning Emil and the emotional/hormonal toll that it always takes on me. I guess we have had a lot going on over the past two weeks! I’m ready for normal again.
This day gave me a little peak into spring. It made me think of the sounds and smells of outside that I have been missing. It made me think of our hopes to expand our veggie garden and maybe plant another fruit tree. About long walks to playgrounds we love, keeping our back door open with little boys and a dog free to be in or out as they please, and meeting up with friends to enjoy nice weather. I know it is only January, but this day gave me a boost.
And I can breathe again… until the next warm day.