A Bad Day

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Andrew and I have this running joke. It starts with me waking up in a foul mood (I’m not a morning person), stretching my arms above me in a dramatic way, and saying, “Well. I’ve decided to take the day off.” Ha, ha. Right. SUCH a funny joke!

This is a joke, clearly, because there is no such thing as a day off when you are a parent. People told me this before I had kids, but I didn’t get it. Seriously. There is no way to get it until you are either sick as a dog and your baby wants something from you as you puke into a toilet for the umpteenth time or you have one of those days where you just decide you don’t feel like going to “work,” only there is no calling in sick or having a mental health day or whatever. And the ironic thing is, nobody needs a mental health day more than a parent.

Yesterday was a ridiculously rough day. But most of my days are not. Most of my days are pretty much tootsie rolls and sunshine with lollypop sprinkles. But this is real life, so not every day can be that great. Let me paint you a picture of the disaster that was Yesterday.

Emil was up all night with a pretty high fever, runny nose, cutting his first tooth, misery. Which means I was up too. Just setting the stage, people. Milo starts off in a pretty foul mood too, as he did not sleep well either. Getting over that nastiness that he had last weekend. Feeling well enough to go to school, but just nasty enough to whine and cry and complain. And Oliver, well he is as chipper as a clam, but feeling quite frisky and a little bit naughty.

The morning went okay while Milo was in preschool. The baby screamed the entire time, but I kind of expected that, so I just held him and nursed him as much as I could between taking Oliver to the bathroom numerous times (we are in the midst of potty training hell) and closing the front door which kept blowing open on its own. Once we fetched Milo from school, oh boy was I in over my head. It is a wonder these children survived in the face of my incompetence.

Both Milo and Oliver refused to eat anything substantial for lunch, so they were not allowed to watch a video. Some consequences suck for mom as much as for them, apparently. The baby screamed. Milo whined, then cried, then flew into full-fledged tantrum mode, which is not pretty for a four-and-a-half-year-old. My tolerance for this behavior coming from a child of his age is limited, so he went straight to bed, where he continued to scream and carry on.

Oliver kept almost pooping on the floor, then running to the potty to squeeze out an acorn-sized amount of poop and immediately wanting to get up and be done with it. Only, he of course was not done… but I cannot act frustrated, no I am SO EXCITED THAT YOU POOPED A MINUSCULE AMOUNT! YOU ARE AMAZING! … the baby is still screaming. The dog runs out the front door which has blown open yet again. I run down the street after her, catch her, and toss her into oncoming trafficΒ return with her under my arm. Oliver is pants-less, running into the living room un-wiped. Milo is now upstairs kicking his wall and screaming to express his rage. The baby is screaming. Downstairs, the basement is filling up with another half-inch of dryer lint because the dryer vent hose keeps coming off the dryer in mid-cycle. But I won’t find this out for another half hour or so, so you know, so what. I am tripping over toys that are strewn all over the house, and the vacuum that I brought out because I meant to do that this morning along with… well, anything. I am starting to shake. Literally shake. I feel like I am about to enter into a psychotic episode. No joke. This must be the way someone feels right before they snap and do something really, really crazy.

The whole “take a break, shut yourself in the bathroom and count to ten” thing is not working. Because I’m pretty sure I have forgotten how to count. My left hand is trembling and I feel like screaming, so I do. And then I do it again. Oliver is yelling and carrying on from his crib because I failed to put him down for a nap using the usual routine of read, rock, and drink of water. All three boys are screaming, actually. I need to get the baby. I need to get ahold of myself.

And then it was over. The fiasco ended well enough. I scared my two-year-old with my crazy screaming, but he actually decided to take a nap. Plus I am no longer trembling, and I have nursed the baby back to sleep. Milo is lying quietly in his bed after I went in and soothed him, explaining that he is so grumpy because he is tired, and if he takes a good nap, I promise he can watch a video when he wakes up. I feel terrible. And now you know that I am all kinds of crazy.

It was a bad day. Today I will try again, to be better, to be patient, to be the adult. Wish me luck.Β DSC_0042DSC_0043

12 thoughts on “A Bad Day”
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  1. I’m sorry you had a bad day! Anyone in their right mind would’ve screamed! πŸ™‚

    I hope you continue to write about these kinds of days, if nothing else, to purge the system, and perhaps even laugh at your funny lines (“Oliver kept almost pooping on the floor, then running to the potty to squeeze out an acorn-sized amount of poop…”).

    Is it wrong that I love reading your blog, even when you’re having a bad day?

  2. Oh Lauren! Good luck!!! And it’s ok to lose it sometimes… good for our kids to see that we’re human too πŸ™‚ And good for them to see that we make mistakes, right?!

    And I was laughing too at the Oliver squeezing out little acorns comments πŸ™‚

  3. I see nothing crazy about being so frazzled that you are shaking and need to scream. That’s because my house is made entirely of glass, and it would be unwise to throw stones. I’m pretty sure all my neighbors can see my acting batshit crazy and screaming through my glass walls though.

    What is up with the acorn poops? Audrey keeps popping those out too, and I’ll be damned if I reward that with the standard 5 M&Ms each time she pinches one off. (Yes. I am a bad parent and give candy in exchange for poops.)

  4. I’m laughing about the acorns too! So sorry you had a rough day, but you turned it into an authentic and funny post! Here’s hoping things get back to normal soon πŸ™‚

  5. Ha, ha, Cat, at least having a bad day can entertain someone, right?

    And Allison, I too reward poops with candy. One chocolate chip for pee, one lollipop for poop. Hey, it’s working so far. So what if my kid is a little chubbier from it?

  6. Oh my dear, I’ve had a handful of these days too – where just when you think it can’t get any worse, it gets worse, and then even worse, and then…

    Love to read these kinds of posts – makes me (and so many others) feel like it’s fine to admit that, on occasion, we all “loss it” and feel totally defeated and over the edge and just want a damn break. But like you say, it gets better. And even though we don’t get sick days (or pay) – still the best job in the world.

    Hugs and a toast to getting through “one of those days”
    J

  7. Oh man what a terrible and exhausting day! Of course I have days where I feel crazy with just one kid so I am totally in awe of you juggling it all! Thanks for letting us all know that you’re human too. We have that same joke btw… I wake up some mornings and mumble from under the covers “I’m calling in sick”. There really never is a “personal day” (or a “personal night for that matter”) once you’re a parent- but obviously worth it! Hope you are an extra wonderful day today.

  8. It happens to the best of us! And I think these stories are good to share…makes all of us mothers feel better about when we “go there”!!!

    Motherhood is both the most challenging and most rewarding job at the same time…

    Love you!

  9. Thanks for your candor, Lauren! That day sounds absurdly bad and unmanageable and I applaud you for handling it as well as you did — screaming is very therapeutic; bonus when it shocks the kids speechless πŸ™‚ — and for sharing with such honesty. I’m holding out for when everyone is in school, at least then you can take part of the day off, right?
    And have Andrew fix that front door! Surely he’s got some fancy carpentering clothes, right? πŸ˜‰

  10. Sorry about your bad day! Sounds to me like you handled it rather well, actually. All kinds of crazy is par for the course (I say this with ONE toddler, mind you… you’re actually kind of my hero right now). Also, this post is hilarious. Thanks for not pretending to be some kind of unattainable MarthaStewartMariaMontessoriEarthMother-supermom ideal. Real life, represent!

  11. Oh you poor lady!! That sounds like absolute craziness. It sounds like you handled it pretty well. I can’t imagine what I would have done!! Parenting REALLY tests your patience all day long, doesn’t it? There is usually at least one point everyday where I’m so tired and cranky and just want to scream. Gotta practice my calm!! πŸ™‚

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