CrumbBums – Page 50

A Year Ago Today

Family, by lauren, January 29, 2016, 6 Replies

I cannot believe how much this kid (and his hair) has grown over the past year. Oliver is a complicated, sensitive, sweet, thoughtful, stubborn, intelligent, suspicious, artistic, think-outside-the-box kind of person. We have had a rough couple of days involving two dentist’s offices in twenty-four hours and a whole lot of discussion about trust. Trusting other adults is not easy for Oliver; whereas a lot of children trust adults until that trust is broken, he is the type who mistrusts new adults until they prove their trustworthiness. That is a perfectly solid perspective, but a difficult one when having to visit doctors and dentists who may have to inflict a small amount of discomfort or pain for the greater good.

The thing is, as frustrating as the experience was, when I stepped back (and Andrew pointed this out to me, also), it was easy to see that what had happened was perfectly understandable and even desirable in different circumstances. Reminds me of an article I once read…

We’re looking forward to a lovely weekend (it’s going to be in the 60’s!), going out with our group of neighbor friends tonight and then spending a whole lot of time outside. Woo-hoo for fresh air!

Ballet

Uncategorized, by lauren, January 28, 2016, 7 Replies

For any of you who have dance experience, don’t look too closely — my form is terrible and I don’t know what I’m doing (yet! not yet!), but I can’t keep to myself how much joy beginning ballet as an adult has brought me. Once a week, for the past 6 months, I’ve been taking a class, a class full of other adult beginners who line up along the barre and try, smile, sometimes giggle, but always smile while we learn the basics.

I took ballet as a little girl, but that didn’t last long, as I decided that watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse on Saturday mornings with my brother and sister was much higher on my priority list (obviously) than working hard at this beautiful, graceful dance. As a high school student, I ran into my childhood ballet teacher and she tried to convince me to return, that it was never too late to come back, but I was in the thick of it with track, field hockey and a very busy orchestra schedule, and frankly, I didn’t believe her. There’s a part of being young and having the whole world ahead of you that brings out self-consciousness and trepidation. Confidence, the ability to do what you love and seize the day and risk looking silly, seems to come with age. It has for me.

But she was right. It’s never too late to start, or come back to something that calls to you. What sets us free is the realization that perfection or a professional career or fierce competition is not the goal. It’s the lack of pressure, the lack of body shaming, the lightness of it that brings me such happiness. My favorite part of the class is anything that involves jumping, leaping, or moving across the floor — the faster and higher, the better. And I convinced two of my girlfriends, Emily and Elisha, to join me for this session! So once a week, smack in the middle of the day, I put on a leotard and ballet slippers and spend just over an hour with women I admire and smile with, and mess up with, and have fun with. Do not look too closely, unless what you’re looking at is the smile.

Reading…

Books, by lauren, January 26, 2016, 3 Replies

After Birth, by Elisa Albert

I’m nearly finished with After Birth, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Its premise is a new mother struggling with postpartum depression who finds solace in a new female friendship — a friend who is just as tough, raw, and somewhat messed up as she is. It’s raw, sometimes vulgar, usually bitter (but in a funny way, if that’s possible), and at times hurts to read in its truthfulness about new motherhood.

There are parts early on in the book, where the main character Ari flashes back to thoughts of her earliest days of a mother that made my chest tighten with the memory and anxiety of it, the way it feels to suddenly have this delicate fragile being under your care:

In the shocking days that followed [the birth] I saw the requisite awfulness: the baby harmed, the baby hurt, the baby suffering, the baby hurled to the ground, the baby’s head crushed against the wall, destroyed. Ongoing fever dream. In the grip of a kind of black magic for which I was entirely unprepared. Woke in a sweat from intermittent sleep to find him still — oh thank God, thank God — breathing.

This, of course, to a lesser degree (as I did not suffer from postpartum depression), but the enormity of the situation, the anxiety and craziness I felt a lot of the time taking care of a newborn baby Milo in a new city with no family nearby to speak of — and even if there had been, I was so convinced that he needed to be with me at all times I was crazy if he was not. It was not easy. That dark side of new motherhood is clear and open in this book.

The part of the book I’m not digging is just how bitter and negative Ari is about other women in general. There is a kind of disdain that comes across for the mass female population save for her one “cool” friend Mina, who of course used to be in an all-girl punk rock band. This is the part that makes me cringe, this “feminist” character completely hateful of all other women. Then again, perhaps it is part of the depression, the inability to see others in a positive light, especially when they reflect a part of who you are.

Weekend Shenanigans

Family, by lauren, January 25, 2016, Leave a Reply

This weekend was filled with fun and friends — we spent Saturday with friends at the circus, then went out to dinner with them afterwards (with five rambunctious little boys) and had such a great time! It’s been wonderful watching our kids develop such good relationships with each other while we become closer friends too. Magical when that happens!

The boys also spent a lot of time setting up little picnics around the downstairs, and we even made it to a playground to enjoy slightly warmer weather and thought of our friends snowed in on the East Coast experiencing just the opposite. Hope you are all cozy and have plenty of hot chocolate and blankets!

There was also a trip to Costco, which has become more frequent as these boys grow! And a trip to the library, where Milo picked up a few Goosebumps books he hasn’t read yet (and was kind enough to read out loud to Oliver for the majority of the day on Sunday). A good relaxing weekend going into a very busy week!

Vintage Finds

Books, by lauren, January 21, 2016, 7 Replies

We’re in the middle of a complete living room rehaul. Though we’re keeping the walls a fresh white, pretty much everything else is being completely rethought. It’s been a long time coming — the vintage sofa we picked up four years ago is pretty, but barely holds four of us, let alone five, and it’s terribly uncomfortable. So we’ve finally pulled the trigger on a new couch, a sectional, only to find it is on backorder until March. So… we wait. But while we wait, I have been perusing the local antique stores around St. Louis and have found some real gems! The real goal was to find a console table (which I did), but of course I found some other things along the way.

I found a beautiful embroidered tablecloth that looks brand new for $25! Soon after, I found a crochet pillowcase with delicate rosettes all over the front — it is so feminine and delicate, I think it will compliment the more masculine style couch we’ve settled on (we had to choose something sturdy for obvious reasons).

A few things for the kiddos — mini copper pots and a couple of sweet books.

I can’t wait to share the living room when it is finally complete; unfortunately, that looks to be a while. I’m enjoying the process, though. Have a wonderful Thursday. We’re enjoying the first of the season’s much-anticipated snow here in St. Louis! I love how light and bright it is — it makes the cold much more tolerable.